Frazzled Miss Frizzle

Today was insane. I started off the day running and it legitimately feels as though my list hasn't gotten one iota shorter. It got to the point where I got so stressed-out-to-the-brink-of-a-meltdown that I stopped, organized my thoughts, and cleaned--not one, but--two desks. I cleaned my desk, and then I cleaned the desk I'm currently sitting at because I'm covering for my boss. I cleaned, re-stacked piles, threw away trash and actually Clorox'd the darn things. They're spotless. And I'm still frazzled.

On top of doing two people's jobs today, I also have to somehow figure out the rest of my life. Which I've already spent 18 years try to map out, so I don't see how I'm supposed to figure it out in the course of days. I have Blue Rug Syndrome topped with Salad Dressing Syndrome topped with a nice tasty schizophrenia cherry. I'm like a frazzled Miss Frizzle ala Magic School Bus... all a blur except for my crazy red hair.

As a random-but-relevant side note, why do people bother to have cell phones if they're never around to answer calls or respond to texts (Ahem. Dad. Ahem). Um hellloooo!! Having a mental breakdown over here!!

I need a hug.

In Another Life... My List of ShouldaWouldaCouldas

I've mentioned before how I have what my parents have deemed "Salad Dressing Syndrome." Basically, I have difficulty making decisions, including which salad dressing I want. So, instead, I pour them all on for a little taste of everything.

Unfortunately, with the big decisions like where do I want to go to college, I haven't yet found a way to overcome the whole space-time continuum. So I am forced to make decisions.

When I finally decided on Northeastern--a school that I am immensely happy at--I cried. Rather than feeling thrilled at the idea that I was starting off on some new, wild adventure, I felt robbed of all the potential lives I could have lived had I gone down some other path.

With every decision I make, every fork in the road, I have to choose one path. And as I move down the road, I make more decisions. There's only one ultimate route I can take through my mess of a exponentially growing tree of potential. And that makes me sad.

Let it be noted, however, that I do happen to luurrvv my current place. I just wish I could live several lives at once :)

So here is a (likely incomplete) compilation of all the things I shouldawouldacoulda done had I picked some different paths:

• Continued dance
• Learned the piano
• Learned French before puberty so I could be fluent in it
• Gone to school at the University of Kent
• Taken photography in high school
• Not taken so many APs in high school (and had a bit more fun!)
• Had a long term boyfriend
• Taken a year off from school
• Volunteered abroad
• Been religious
• Stayed vegetarian
• Gone to yoga on a regular basis
• Kept a diligent journal
• Taken more photographs
• Not hit my eye in Supercuts haha
• Biked with my mom
• Learned to cook
• Taken an etiquette class
• Gotten my drivers license at 16 like a normal person
• Learned to surf
• Ridden horses
• Learned more about cars
• Continued painting

In a way this list is kind of depressing because it represents all my shouldawouldacouldas, but it's also inspiring because it's a reminder that I have to do things when I have the opportunity. Many of these things I haven't missed the window for. Be sure to look out for them on future Bucket Lists!