A Vent on Feminism

I had an interesting conversation/fight the other day with a close friend and confidante. Though he insists that he was joking, we got into a debate about feminism and what all the word--and the lifestyle--entails.

For as long as I can remember, I've been a self-proclaimed feminist (at least by my definition). I was a feminist before I even knew what the term was. I grew up in a very competitive and athletic household with a mother that taught me the proper way to spit and who was the leading lady in our household in more ways than one. Given the circumstances, how could I not be a feminist.

Then, when I was older, I started reading literature that featured strong female roles and ownership of one's path. Austen was a longtime favorite, but I also dove into Atwood. And while at Brown, I read this rant titled Full Frontal Feminism by Jessica Valenti.

Yet, as Valenti mentions in her book, there is still some negative image associated with feminism. Whenever I say that I am a feminist, I feel the need to preempt the statement by saying that I'm still a lady. Or that I'm not a man-hater, just proud.

To me, to be a woman and not be a feminist is like being American and not being patriotic.

Why is it that there is such a negative connotation with being proud of my gender? And why does being a feminist indicate to others a lack of femme?

As I mentioned before, I have taken a recent interest in etiquette and the importance of presenting oneself well. Looking good is not succumbing to the pressures of society. It's being your own publicist. It's representing yourself well and smoothing the rough edges.

In my little obsession, I've found this one site, www.elegantwoman.org. Though poorly organized and, itself, not very elegant, the content of the site is useful. It's like Emily Post--and that one woman who teaches the Obamas how to act in other countries--chewed up, swallowed down and spit out.

It's useful, it's endearing, it's probably very outdated. But it teaches a woman how to be--wait for it--a woman.

I don't think I'm frumpy and I shave my legs. I wear perfume and brush my hair and take frequent showers. I prefer to wear bras, rather than burn them. But I'm still hardheaded about things. I read and argue for what I want and fancy myself a modern Elizabeth Bennett. I work. Hard. And I'm willing to fight for what I want, be it a person or a job or getting into Photo Basics for Nonmajors.

Being a woman and being proud of that fact are two things I will never apologize for.